It happens every year, at least twice. Player 1 shows up. He's a slob, he eats all my food, and he stinks up the joint. He talks incessantly, about nothing, and despite living in somewhat tight quarters he feels he has to follow me around and make sure I am hearing every single word that comes out of his mouth (which irritates me to no end...).
And then, in the times it takes to snap your fingers it seems, he is gone. And suddenly there is something of a void which is left and I struggle to fill it. One would think I would be used to it. But no. It gets me every time.
Player 1, as he tells its, spawned in first. If you are a video gamer, you get this. If you are not a gamer, then it should suffice to say he is my first of two kids. Names are typically left out of the public domain, so he shall be Player 1. The other, will be the Kitten (as opposed to Player 2, because that would make far to much sense).
Anyway, back to Player 1. He's an adult by legal standards. I often feel like hes still younger though, as he is finding his way and place in the world. Of course, he feels like he has it all figured out already. I am in that spot where I have to walk that happy medium of providing insight and advice as he wants, and letting him make choices and learn the real world consequences as they come.
I have to bite my tongue, which feels torturous from time to time.
I do not pretend to have all the answers. Nor do I believe I have had all the experiences to draw lessons from. I am however, fairly opinionated. Which doesn't always help, but I firmly believe if the rest of the world would stop and listen to me the rest of the world would be way better off.
And therein lies the problem: 18 year-olds as a general whole are not known for their listening skills.
As a parent, I obviously want better for my offspring than I had. And I don't believe I have had it all that bad. But I also want him to make good choices. And I do not want him to struggle nor suffer the negative consequences of his choices. And I want to be there for him whenever he needs, to be a listener, a supporter, a confidant.
But often he doesn't want any of that. He wants to go it solo. And I am left to simply watch from afar, and to gently remind him should he have need of me he only needs to say, and I'll be there in any capacity he needs.
This last visit was only a week long. Hes got a job and a girlfriend. So time at Dad's place is somewhat limited. His priorities are changing. I understand this. I don't cling to the past, where his whole year of school revolved around coming out here when it was done.
Its an evolution for sure, both for him and for me. Were I to cling to the past, I would probably curl up in a ball on the floor and cry. I do consider myself fortunate to maintain a close relationship with him despite the distance between us. I will never take that for granted.
Instead, I'll look to the future, and what it holds for us both. Is there still a void? Somewhat, of this there is no doubt. But I'll be content with the idea we are both going through this life. I made it this far. So I'm pretty sure he can do the same.
Now if I could just get him to ask me how I did it.....
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