Mind clutter.

 The amount of time I have spent lately thinking about running far outweighs the actual amount of time I have actually spent running.  Its a bit of a frustrating thing, really.  If we rewind just a scant 18 months ago, I was hitting double digits daily getting prepped for the Nanny Goat.  Since then, it has been a real hit or miss type of relationship with my motivation and work and life all seeming to get in the way of something I find I truly enjoy and love.  

It sucks, often, when I make excuses for not going.  Really, they are lame.  I have ample time.  It is kind of ridiculous how much time I have.  And even more ridiculous when I think about how much of that I waste by sitting around doing nothing.  

A good run, for me, is amazing for clearing the mind of clutter.  And I think, at times, I allow my mind to clutter up too easily.  I don't know what the root cause of this is.  Aside from what I know to be a problem:  over thinking.  

I'm a dweller on things.  I over think them to worst extent, I even create stupid and unreasonable reasoning behind my own over dwelt issues.  It is a vicious cycle.  One that has always been a problem for me.  When I discovered my love of the run, one of the side benefits was the mind clearing.  Often, this would occur somewhere mid-run, and last for quite some time after.  And as the running became more regular, the clutter was mostly gone, and left me feeling refreshed and clear.  

I don't think I noticed this right away.  but since I have, its become a rather important piece of my own well being.  And I extoll the virtues of the run to others, and encourage them to seek this on their own.  Yet for quite a while now, I have been neglecting me.

When it comes to well being, I know for a fact I have to be selfish.  I need to take that time.  I need to make a point addressing my own needs ahead of others.  There is nothing wrong with this. If I focus on me, all others will benefit from this.  A clear mind and better attitude will always have a positive effect on those that I am close to, and my relationships will be better for it.  

I'm feeling good today, and I plan to ride that out for a while.  Hopefully, for a long time to come.  I may be older these days, but I'm certainly not dead, and I need to get out more and live like those who love me expect me to.  In return, I can love them better.  

Although I do feel like I am getting off topic a bit.  But the end result is this:  I can be better.  Always.  Most times I feel like I am pretty good overall.  But then there are times when I know something is missing.  Then the cyclical thought process begins, and I tumble over ideas and allusions that compound on themselves, and I simply need to break that cycle.  

A good run, even just a three miler like today, makes all the difference in the world. I'm on a bit of a high right now.  I need to keep that going.