Thrift stores. Purveyors of paisley ties and second hand china. Catering to the masses in search of a dirt cheap leisure suit or that an epic find of curious knickknacks considered trash by the one who relinquished it and a treasure of immeasurable wealth by the one who found it.
It is also the metaphor I'll be using for the thrift store that is my mind.
Lets take just a moment inventory a thrift store and its contents.
One could reasonably expect to find a thrift store filled with books, kitchen stuff, kids toys, antiquated electronics, clothes, and various other sundries. Each particular item having its place, yet each particular place has some spill over from one to the next. Such is the state of my mind, I feel. Various collections of thoughts, memories, and emotions, each with their own place, yet each inextricably connected to other.
As the proprietor of this establishment, I feel like I typically have a pretty good handle on its contents and how they are managed. Yet, every now and then, a bull sneaks in and runs amok.
This bull shall be named Ferdinand.
This is where a person might expect the "Bull in the China Shop" metaphor. I will not use the china shop, as it would imply my mind is neat and orderly. I would instead refer back to the thrift store, somewhat cluttered, but loosely organized and generally in need of dusting (I hate dusting, FYI. Not my strong point when cleaning). Despite the condition of my my shop, it is not conducive to visits from Ferdinand.
The problem here, Ferdinand is something of an inconsiderate fucker. Oh he looks innocent enough. But he invites himself when he pleases and does not think to call ahead. Nor does any amount of prep work seem to be enough to contain the chaos he can cause in an amazingly short amount of time.
Mental prep is key for various things in life. Like for example, headed to a job-type interview. All the job knowledge in the world won't impress anyone without the mental prep done ahead of time to present this information. yet, even with one's best efforts there is always the possibility Ferdinand will arrive and run amok.
As an example, in a job-type interview which I felt I had gone out of my way to prepare for, I was asked a random question of, "What will you bring to the position?" Yes, I had prepared for exactly this type of question. And Yes, Ferdinand chose that moment to hit up the thrift store and run amok. And yes, I froze. The answer I managed to pull from the carnage of toppled shelves and broken dishes was pathetic. I will not repeat it here. It should, however, suffice to say I did not get the position that time.
Now, in hindsight, I was able to replay this particular event, and formulate my answer in clear and precise words and expression. Oddly enough, it was very similar to the prepped answer I had already prepared in my mind. And it seemed such a silly thing to freeze up and not know what to say. Thanks for that, Ferdi!!
Such is the case with hindsight. You can always look back at an event, and you can always replay and revise it after the fact. And in the best case scenario, you know what to do in the future when the same scenario presents itself.
My particular example is far in the past. But a very appropriate example of how I am left feeling today.
And if you are lucky enough, as I feel I am today, all you have to endure from it moving forward is a little bit of a red face because you realize just how silly you were.
I feel like that is me today, looking in hindsight. Silly... Just silly.
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